This work is personal

This Superfree offering is deeply personal. The summer between high school and college, right after my 18th birthday, I became terribly ill. The gut pain was so excruciating I couldn't eat. We finally discovered it was Crohn's disease, just in time to get enough treatment to get me out of that intense flare and make it to school in Virginia that fall.

Understandably, this changed the course of my life. I was a highly competitive soccer player who had spent every season, and nearly every waking moment, training. Part of me was ready for something new, but getting that sick made it real. At 19, I had non-elective surgery to remove the portion of my small intestine that was too inflamed to ever recover on its own. I transferred over the winter so I could have it close to home at Duke and stay in school. I had the surgery over my first spring break at NC State and somehow still made the dean's list with a 4.0 that semester (recovering perfectionist, anyone?).

Through my studies and long after, I dove deep into the anti-inflammatory perspective, and that's where I found true healing. After finishing school abroad in Denmark, I was living in New York City, juggling modeling, styling, and serving jobs, ranging from one of the original macrobiotic restaurants in SoHo, to a legendary lower east side music venue, to cocktailing summer weekends in Montauk. I was always on the go and riding my bike everywhere, and I needed easy, deeply nourishing food on hand. Even in New York, where you can find any food you could dream of at the snap of your fingers, I struggled to find options that not only didn't make me sick, but that contributed to my healing: foods that were convenient, nutritionally potent, and delicious (just as important! How do we expect something to last that isn't enjoyable?).

So I formulated my own. The very first Maca Butter was organic unroasted macadamias, cashews, maca root (balancing benefits which I became obsessed with, before it became popular), and ginger, packed into empty paint tubes so I could always have it with me on my bike. SUPERFREE was born out of that search, and that determination: not only to never need surgery again and to not live in and out of flare-ups, but to get off all medication entirely.

Healing fats and key anti-inflammatory foods were a big part of it, along with warm cooked meals, fermented foods, soaked grains and legumes, real food adaptogens, and antioxidant-rich produce. Cutting out the big offenders, making a few key swaps, and adding in the right foods, along with repairing my nervous system on a cellular and energetic level, is what made the difference.

Though I still deeply identify as an athlete, yoga and pranayama (what "breathwork" came out of) helped ease my type-A, power-through-it kind of resilience, which sometimes isn't actual resilience at all. Middle child of five, overachiever, caretaker, captain of every team: I didn't often let myself not be okay. Allowing myself that space has been a big part of my healing.

For a long time, I was angry at my body. I resented it and felt frustrated with it, like it had turned on me even though I had always done everything "right". Two things changed everything, and they worked together: nourishing foods that truly supported my gut, and tuning in to my pain body (our greatest teacher, imo). The consistent practice of yoga and the support of my dear teachers (thank you Ashtanga for bridging the competitive-athlete-to-yoga gap and Eddie Stern for evolving out of that rigidity with me) helped me let go of the anger and resentment and allowed me to start listening instead. Once I stopped treating my body and food like the enemy, or like something to fix, true healing opened up for me. I allowed the Earth (specifically the white and blue studio floor tiles, iykyk) to support me and surrendered to deep trust.

Take it from me: Your body is not against you. It's on your side. You are truly self healing, when you understand you are supported. It's simply a decision.